Richard Gere

Havnt written in a while and suddenly the topic came from unexpected quarters, a friend of mine asked if I was still blogging. The topic was that of the great “RICHARD GERE”, most of my friends are aware of my fascination for this 50 something hunk from Hollywood, and something that has been put under some amount of scrutiny by many of them too. Its not as if that I m a big fan of his, I ll be the first to admit that I havnt seen many of his films, but the few that I have, man he s been good in them. U see I m a romantic buff and his roles of playing the strong silent male has endeared everyone including me. His eyes , his smile and the way his eyes crinkle on the sides when he does so, all of it……….(sigh). Some amount of self analysis has made me come to the conclusion that my fascination for him is based partly on his looks, his great acting skills as well as my tendency of falling for a particular type of men. And for those of who donot know the type I m talking about I m sorry I cant elaborate on that, its meant only for those I hav been indiscreet enough to tell. But I wanna end this by saying that He is too cute and adorable and I m sorry for those who cant see that, and refuse to give him the deserved title of a Hollywood hunk despite his age.

To my FRIENDS…….

Slowly the day came, and woshhhh I was married, it didn’t sink in then and don’t suppose its sunk in completely abhi tak. For years this was a source of much pain in my house- raised voices, silences, the arguments and finally the sighs tht only meant agreeing to disagree for a little while until we were ready to talk abt it again. And then suddenly I met Vishal (my husband) and something felt right and all those fears, apprehensions of marriage melted away (at least for a while). And so here I stand married for over a month now and enjoying my life.

Besides the elation of meeting the one in ur life, one is saddened by the thought of leaving ones family and joining another, and in my case even harder as I was leaving town. Those times when I d sit alone in the dark and worry abt wht future held for me, the pain for moving away from ur parents, the realization tht u no longer were the child in the house and tht it was time to grow up and take responsibility, tht there wud be no acceptance and forgiveness like the kind shown by ur parents……….

All through all this something that gladdened my heart was the reaction I got from people I m close to. Call me a sadist, but when friends of mine were upset that I was getting married and going away besides feeling the loss I also realizes that maybe I had meant something to some people. So thnk u guys for making me feel this special and thnk u soooo much for being there in so many different ways, I KNOW I cudnt have done without u…….

As for the future- I wish I don’t lose touch with u all but I m coming to realize that things do really change and hope u hang around till I strike a balance and be back.

I dunno how many times I ve said this so some people bt I wanna say it again today- I CONSIDER MYSELF LUCKY TO HAVE HAD U GUYS IN MY LIFE, U VE ENRICHED IT IN A WAY THT MAYBE U GUYS WILL NEVER KNW.

So I wanna raise a toast to the “greatest people I ve known and the best of frnds tht one cud ever dream of having”

Dev D...

After having had a friend go gaga over the movie and reminding me every few days that I need to see the movie, I finally got the chance and wht a chance it was!! A cousin of mine had come over and me being crazy about movies suggested we go out for a late night movie- which 1? Was the pertinent question and after few rounds of going up and down the options available it was democratically decided that we go for Dev D. now the imp part was the “WE” who constituted this we, my cousin, my bro aND my mom…..grt group and tht too for such a movie!! My bro and I r pretty cool but my cousin was uncomfy having a sis around and my mom..well I am sure those of us used to Indian sensibilities can imagine wht my mom was going thru….we survived a part of the movie, and I was soo dearly wishing I hadn’t brought them for this one ( it was for this very reason that I stressed on it having being a democratic decision, still the entire onus was on me) and after having had enough they suggested we leave and we did, and the sense of relief we all felt was almost comical.

I did go back to c the movie, no way was I gonna miss it…..had loved the little I had seen. Paro’s character was amazing and the part where she goes to studio far from home to get print out her nude pic, the look on the guy’s face. But for me the best bit was the section when she gets up early in the morning and goes out to the field with the bedding tied onto the bicycle. Surprising Dev she initiates and what response from him- calling her a slut…yes he had his reason (in his head atleast it must hav rang true) but for me it was another example of the sexism that exists…..and for those not already rolling their eyes I ll continue….that a gal is a slut/whore and a guy is a MAN.

The other scene that really caught my imagination was when she visits him at his motel, tidies up his place and takes care of him, the comment she makes at the end- it was such a relief from the usual goody goody characters that PARO, and female characters are made out to be…..tht despite the love and care the anger remains and blinded by this anger she hits him back where it hurts the most

when hurt I think we so often go down- cry, moan, crib, wallow in self pity but then our defenses take over and we turn this pain into anger, transferring the blame onto the other, it helps us to go on. And then u wanna hit back, this blinding desire to make the person realize how (s)he has done u wrong….and once u ve done it there is an emptiness inside, no joy and certainly no relief, just a sense of failure- that u ve stooped that low, and that u weren’t a better person…I ve got the 1^st phase of realizing/accepting-now I need to address it….wish me luck…

Going back to the field areas...

Went to visit some of the field areas in which our staffs have been slugging it out. It had been a while since I ve had the chance to visit slums again, after having worked directly in some areas in Kolkata, nostalgia overwhelmed me, the children running on the road perilously close to some bull or a bicycle or worse a motor vehicle, men sitting on a ‘charpahiya’ playing cards, women stooped over a corporation tap that hardly delivers what the Neta had promised, the long queue of buckets before the tap that will run only for an hour and of course the people standing around, their expression, the animated look of onlookers as two sometimes 3 get into a very heated argument about who gets to stand where in the line. Most of us know this part of city life, where some kid is defecating in the open (why only kids), we pass it more often that most of us would like to, some looking away, some lost in their own thoughts, some with a moment of sympathy, some with gratitude of not being in their shoes…….I was one too and as a kid would ‘feel bad’ for the life they had, but having been given a closer glimpse in their lives I look at things differently. What had surprised me no ends initially was that they could be happy, smile, laugh and not always be saddened by what they do not have. I learnt that it was us- those who have it, feel sad that they don’t, but for them it’s a way of life and on most occasions they do not know any different.

I missed working directly with people, waiting for long hours for people to turn up and killing time by sitting in the local tea shop, or sit on whatever elevated space one could find and of course a newspaper that women would provide to save “didi’s clothes from getting soiled”. They would offer tea which when refused would result in an upset face, and therefore to compensate I d have a biscuit or drink lots of water (which I d regret sometime later…..hehe). And now when I can manage to drink black tea I no longer go to the field areas, so no longer meet people who get upset/misjudge ones polite refusal.

I miss those long hours, and I cant believe I am saying this but, I miss those long hours of sitting in a thatched roof hut with no fan in the middle of the summer and getting some kid to get interested on the subject in hand, or huddle up in a corner of the same room to avoid getting drenched by the rain pouring from the hole on the roof.  To carrying a tape recorder to have a dance session, to take self defense classes and then try fruitlessly to separate the big bullies who decide to try on the techniques with add ons of their own, to spending 4 hours covering the broken, dilapidated walls with newspapers, despite others saying it to be an effort in vain only to have them proved right in two days time, to beautifying the area around the school with planting new trees.

I miss those days and wish to go back to them and experience the joy of being around them. But then one grows up and one has to climb higher in the ladder and so I am trying too….but often I stop to wonder why is it tht I sometimes fee that this is not what I had signed in for, this is not really what I love doing…..

The IPL

Up goes the finger and I jump up in joy, there s another wicket!! And then the next moment Im  reminded that the player who got out is the same player I root for the rest of the year, it s player who wears Indian colours but thanx to the IPL I have been made to choose between players that one has supported for so long with great fervor. Season 1 had put so many of us in a dilemma and many of us choose the team that represented our city. Therefore I was surrounded by supporters of Kolkata Knight Riders and an occasional supporter of some other team. I SUPPORT MUMBAI INDIANS and this made me a traitor in the eyes of so many. My logic was clear

1. My fav player is Sachin Tendulkar and he was heading a team and therefore my heart supported it.
2. As for Kolkata knight riders I just cudnt get myself to accept that Mr. Ricky Pointing was playing for tht team, he is one player I cant stand, even though on occasions I might like his fielding and batting, but I found it impossible to support the same team he was in. and this year having the same problem that I had with Rajasthan Royal- having a foreign captain.
3. And by having a few players from Kolkata in it no way makes it a Kolkattan team.

It has been an interesting experience and wish it had started at a time when my following of the game was at its peak. But its fun being able to support players who one would naturally not be able to coz they were playing against India. And watching a match as a neutral has its own fun……so I am enjoying it as long as I can and for those who keep asking why I support MUMBAI INDIANS my answer is clear- I am Sachin Tendulkar fan and that is his team… 

lessons from my first stint at volunteering...

In My first stint as a volunteer I saw/learnt something that I can never forget in my life, it was with an ngo working with street and slum children aiming to provide them with basic education. I was with one of the staff who was on her usual round of visit, she used to work with street dwellers. We stopped to meet a group of women sitting around in the shade and talking. They greeted the lady with great respect and after the usual chit chat about work and problems they were facing the women asked me what I would have, mind you these women live on the street and all their possessions were packed in 2 gunny bags. I was taken aback and said a polite “no”, but they wouldn’t have any of it and after rummaging through her bags she brought the one that had food and turned it over, it had 4 cucumbers. She insisted that since she had nothing else to give that I take one of them, I was positively horrified at the idea and looked to the lady for help. She instead gave in and I was left grappling for excuses to refuse without stating the obvious reason. I didn’t manage to come up with a convincing one and with guilt gnawing at me insides took it from her. I did not know what to do with it then, to have it ( I knew I wouldn’t be able to swallow) or to give it away to someone else who too was in need (it seemed rude to give away something that had been given so generously by someone who hardly had anything, that it would be disrespectful to them, their feelings) and so I went on thinking……………. And then I made my decision, dunno if it was right or wrong but it seemed the best alternative…..for me as a teenager it was wonderful lesson at a time when I would be cribbing about what I don’t have, what I a denied of, but most importantly how amazing generous a person can be and that claims of  i-don’t-have-enough-so-I ll-be selfish-and-not-share are mere excuses and poor ones at that. 

train journey

Am sitting in the train, the train which got delayed by 7 hours at Kolkata itself and now every now and them decides that we are too heavy to carry and needs a break and these breaks aren’t the short ones at known stations. But then again if it wants rest I don’t suppose in a large station it would get it. In Hindi the train is given the feminine gender, stranger wonder why? Though i have to admit that till date I havnt figured out the logic that goes into deciding the sex of an object. Now would they too have gender crisis as so many of us humans are faced with?

I get an idea of the fog situation in north India, I am sitting by the window hoping to catch a glimpse of the world that I pass by, but then all I c are the few bushes that we cross and then it all white…
I ve found that train journeys always gives me a time to think, of course these are only for those journeys that arent spent sleeping away. There is something about the gentle rocking, the gentle lullaby, and when its dark and u sit by the window u c the little lights at a distance that pass by in a second and wonder the kind of life those people live. And then there are those moments where none of this registers, u r some million miles away, thinking about whatever is there that is topping the list of things that need to be thought of.