Language barriers

Language can be such a huge barrier, I had heard this but never really appreciated the depth of the statement. Post marriage i have shifted to another state with a language very different to the ones i knew. Almost two years down the line and still nowhere near to able to have a conversation, or even understand two sentences in the local language. Have bought a book, have downloaded lesson plans but the zeal never really lasts. At last I have decided getting a tuition teacher is the only recourse to lazy bums like me, so wish me luck.

Language barriers

Language can be such a huge barrier, I had heard this but never really appreciated the depth of the statement. Post marriage i have shifted to another state with a language very different to the ones i knew. Almost two years down the line and still nowhere near to able to have a conversation, or even understand two sentences in the local language. Have bought a book, have downloaded lesson plans but the zeal never really lasts. At last I have decided getting a tuition teacher is the only recourse to lazy bums like me, so wish me luck.

December- first step

What r u doing nowdays? How do u spend ur day? Have u started looking for work? These are questions that frndz and ppl I ve known keep asking me. And my answer remains the same-no job and no work, all I do the entire day household stuff. The routine is pretty set up with a few alterations here and there and thus the day passes by. I attribute my laziness to be a factor for the current state. Ofcourse there are days when I get annoyed at my lack of constructive activity, but then on many an occasions these thoughts are conveniently pushed aside. I m amazed that I have so patiently been able to sit at home with my life revolving around the new additions to family and the kitchen (sounds pathetic doesn’t it!). Today I took the first step, I approached the first link I have in the city and lets see where this leads me.

Smoking….

I wonder whts the reaction when u read tht name….for those who r kool with my occasional fags- I wanna thnk u….but I am more interested in the small section of my frnds who r not….and don’t worry this isn’t a way at getting back at u (coz it ll come right back in the form of a comment J) , I am writing this as a confession- I knw my occasional smoking doesn’t endear me to some of my frnds, infact quite the opposite, but let me say this again- addiction scares me!! Being out of control, loosing sense of whats right and wrong and in the process hurting self and those dear around is not what I want for myself. For me its an occasional thing that I indulge in coz I enjoy it…and trust me I do take safeguards to not go down the unwanted path. I wanna say, thank u for accepting me as I am and not trying to change me (other than the rare comment on it) and even offering to let me smoke around u..tht for me meant a lotttttttt…

Richard Gere

Havnt written in a while and suddenly the topic came from unexpected quarters, a friend of mine asked if I was still blogging. The topic was that of the great “RICHARD GERE”, most of my friends are aware of my fascination for this 50 something hunk from Hollywood, and something that has been put under some amount of scrutiny by many of them too. Its not as if that I m a big fan of his, I ll be the first to admit that I havnt seen many of his films, but the few that I have, man he s been good in them. U see I m a romantic buff and his roles of playing the strong silent male has endeared everyone including me. His eyes , his smile and the way his eyes crinkle on the sides when he does so, all of it……….(sigh). Some amount of self analysis has made me come to the conclusion that my fascination for him is based partly on his looks, his great acting skills as well as my tendency of falling for a particular type of men. And for those of who donot know the type I m talking about I m sorry I cant elaborate on that, its meant only for those I hav been indiscreet enough to tell. But I wanna end this by saying that He is too cute and adorable and I m sorry for those who cant see that, and refuse to give him the deserved title of a Hollywood hunk despite his age.

To my FRIENDS…….

Slowly the day came, and woshhhh I was married, it didn’t sink in then and don’t suppose its sunk in completely abhi tak. For years this was a source of much pain in my house- raised voices, silences, the arguments and finally the sighs tht only meant agreeing to disagree for a little while until we were ready to talk abt it again. And then suddenly I met Vishal (my husband) and something felt right and all those fears, apprehensions of marriage melted away (at least for a while). And so here I stand married for over a month now and enjoying my life.

Besides the elation of meeting the one in ur life, one is saddened by the thought of leaving ones family and joining another, and in my case even harder as I was leaving town. Those times when I d sit alone in the dark and worry abt wht future held for me, the pain for moving away from ur parents, the realization tht u no longer were the child in the house and tht it was time to grow up and take responsibility, tht there wud be no acceptance and forgiveness like the kind shown by ur parents……….

All through all this something that gladdened my heart was the reaction I got from people I m close to. Call me a sadist, but when friends of mine were upset that I was getting married and going away besides feeling the loss I also realizes that maybe I had meant something to some people. So thnk u guys for making me feel this special and thnk u soooo much for being there in so many different ways, I KNOW I cudnt have done without u…….

As for the future- I wish I don’t lose touch with u all but I m coming to realize that things do really change and hope u hang around till I strike a balance and be back.

I dunno how many times I ve said this so some people bt I wanna say it again today- I CONSIDER MYSELF LUCKY TO HAVE HAD U GUYS IN MY LIFE, U VE ENRICHED IT IN A WAY THT MAYBE U GUYS WILL NEVER KNW.

So I wanna raise a toast to the “greatest people I ve known and the best of frnds tht one cud ever dream of having”

Dev D...

After having had a friend go gaga over the movie and reminding me every few days that I need to see the movie, I finally got the chance and wht a chance it was!! A cousin of mine had come over and me being crazy about movies suggested we go out for a late night movie- which 1? Was the pertinent question and after few rounds of going up and down the options available it was democratically decided that we go for Dev D. now the imp part was the “WE” who constituted this we, my cousin, my bro aND my mom…..grt group and tht too for such a movie!! My bro and I r pretty cool but my cousin was uncomfy having a sis around and my mom..well I am sure those of us used to Indian sensibilities can imagine wht my mom was going thru….we survived a part of the movie, and I was soo dearly wishing I hadn’t brought them for this one ( it was for this very reason that I stressed on it having being a democratic decision, still the entire onus was on me) and after having had enough they suggested we leave and we did, and the sense of relief we all felt was almost comical.

I did go back to c the movie, no way was I gonna miss it…..had loved the little I had seen. Paro’s character was amazing and the part where she goes to studio far from home to get print out her nude pic, the look on the guy’s face. But for me the best bit was the section when she gets up early in the morning and goes out to the field with the bedding tied onto the bicycle. Surprising Dev she initiates and what response from him- calling her a slut…yes he had his reason (in his head atleast it must hav rang true) but for me it was another example of the sexism that exists…..and for those not already rolling their eyes I ll continue….that a gal is a slut/whore and a guy is a MAN.

The other scene that really caught my imagination was when she visits him at his motel, tidies up his place and takes care of him, the comment she makes at the end- it was such a relief from the usual goody goody characters that PARO, and female characters are made out to be…..tht despite the love and care the anger remains and blinded by this anger she hits him back where it hurts the most

when hurt I think we so often go down- cry, moan, crib, wallow in self pity but then our defenses take over and we turn this pain into anger, transferring the blame onto the other, it helps us to go on. And then u wanna hit back, this blinding desire to make the person realize how (s)he has done u wrong….and once u ve done it there is an emptiness inside, no joy and certainly no relief, just a sense of failure- that u ve stooped that low, and that u weren’t a better person…I ve got the 1^st phase of realizing/accepting-now I need to address it….wish me luck…